Joel Burtney doesn’t think of himself as a computer gamer “I use my home computer for e-mails and online banking. But whenever Blizzard Software releases a new title, I’ve got to be first in line to get it.” He told me from his tattered old sleeping bag positioned on the hard cold concrete just outside the door of a local computer games store in his home town of Kingston Ontario. “I could have bought a digital copy [of Starcraft 2], but waiting outside in a line for weeks is all part of the experience for me.”

The forty-three year old took time off from his job as a corporate auditor to wait in line for a computer game many are already calling one of the greatest ever created. It may sound like an odd move for someone whose hobbies don’t include playing computer games, but his hobby is the reason he’s here.

Joel is a masochist and spends most of his free time being beaten and humiliated by tall women at a local Sadomasochist club. His interest in StarCraft 2 (like all games from Blizzard Software) stems from the infamously frustrating experience of trying to play any of their newly released games online, on or around the day of their release. “For me, it’s even better than slowly running my scrotum over a cheese grater while Mistress Lefay delivers electric shocks to my earlobes. I’ve never had a contrast of ecstasy and pain like that anywhere else!”

StarCraft 2

StarCraft 2 is the highly anticipated follow up to Starcraft a hugely popular game released in 1998. The upcoming July release has masochists like Joel all over the world needlessly upgrading their computers in preparation for a day or two of blissful frustrating agony.

“Because their games are so highly anticipated and fun to play, trying to get one of them to actually work the day it’s released is perhaps the most excruciatingly painful experience in the world.” Bjorn Demulder 29 of Stockholm recently posted on his blog.

“And Starcraft 2 will deliver the best release day let-down yet!” he rejoiced to his readers. “You’ll actually need to sign onto Battle.net just to play the single player campaign. So when the servers are down (like they always are at first) you won’t even be able to play the game at all!”

While the notorious failure of Blizzard’s multiplayer platform Battle.net is the big draw for people like Joel and Bjorn there are some masochists hesitant to invest. Jack Gillard, 33 of Nambour Australia voiced his concerns to me over the phone “Occasionally by the time a new Blizzard game is released here Battle.net is kind of working okay. But hopefully the match making system still won’t. I reckon it’ll lie to me about the wait time, making me wait 20 minutes for an opponent.” He added “Then when I get one he’ll be 8 levels higher and I’ll get Zerg rushed right away. I can’t wait!”

When I asked Joel if he’ll play Starcraft 2 when it’s fixed his answered summed it up “No. When Blizzard finally gets their games to work they’re way too fun so I’ll find something else to make me want to slam my face against a concrete wall. I’ll probably just spend more time with my wife.”

Starcraft 2 hits the shelves on July 27th … but unless you’re a masochist you might want to wait till August to play it.

Someone on facebook asked how I felt about the G20 protests.

Here are my feelings in short.

I’m happy to live in a world, where the leaders of the world meet face to face to discuss important issues, not attack one another like we did not even 100 years ago.

I’m confused that people use it as an opportunity to organize to protest, if you care about something, you shouldn’t need an excuse to take action.

I’m angered by the criminals who use it as an opportunity to destroy. Get a hobby, get help or get lost.

I’m thankful for the police officers who tried their best to be fair. I’m sure there were those who tried to be fair, and who were ashamed by the actions of their peers.

I’m angered by the police officers and those in charge, who didn’t try their best when this city needed it. At times you appeared worse than the criminals.

How can I say something like that?

I saw criminals attacking property and then I saw police attacking people.

The windows & bank machines didn’t feel those rocks and sticks, but the innocent people waiting for the bus sure felt those riot batons and animosity and aggression from those sworn to protect the innocent. They felt the rain on their backs, and the numbness in their legs after standing for 4 hours without a reasonable explanation of why they were being held against their will.

How do I feel about the G20? With an anti-police brutality protest less than an hour away that could see more violence in the streets… I’m feeling helpless.

I’ve developed a new nightly ritual these past few weeks. I get home from work, eat dinner with my girlfriend then get on my computer to see if I can get a good game of Left 4 Dead 2: Scavenge going with a couple of friends.

If you’re not familiar with the game Left 4 Dead 2 or the Scavenge mode of play within, I’ll try to explain the new game mode briefly. (If you are familiar then feel free to skip ahead)

In the zombie infested world of Left 4 Dead 2, two teams, of four players each alternate between offense and defense, in timed best of 3 or best of 5 games.

A round is split in two halves, and begins with one team of four players as the survivors (human characters with weaponry) on offense. Their goal is to collect sixteen gas cans from a surrounding area to pour into a central receptacle before a timer runs out.

Each gas can poured in, scores the survivors a point, up to the maximum of 16.

The infected team (zombies with special powers of their own) begins the round on defense, and their goal is to prevent the survivors from scoring.

The first half ends when either the survivors have managed to score 16 points, or when the infected have prevented the survivors from doing so and the clock runs down to zero.

If the clock hits zero and at least one of the survivors is holding a tank the round goes into overtime. If the score, more time is added to the clock giving the survivors a chance to collect more cans. If the infected manage to make the survivors drop their cans, the round is over.

At the end of the first half, the teams switch roles and continue the round.

The team that scores the most cans in the quickest time wins the round, and the team that wins the most rounds, wins the game.

As you might have noticed, this game play mechanic sounds a lot like a competitive athletic team sport. (If we removed the weapons & zombies, and added balls in place of the gas cans perhaps even more so)

Like a sport, it can get very competitive, and that’s part of what drew me to this game mode.

It also appeals to me, because the goal is very different from the typical team-multiplayer objectives of first person shooter games. It requires great communication with your teammates to score all sixteen points as the survivors, and the same skills to effectively prevent the opposing team from doing so when your team is playing on defense.

I’ve quickly grown to love it, and win or lose, a great game of scavenge is one of the most satisfying multiplayer gaming experiences I’ve ever had.

But this is a rant right? So what’s the problem?

Great games of scavenge are hard to come by, and they shouldn’t be.

Simply put: Too few people are playing this great game mode.

Though most of the fifty or so friends on my steam list have left 4 dead 2 it’s hard to find 8 to want to play when I try to organize a match.

I can usually corral about three friends together. So we create a lobby, team up, and wait for other players to join.

And wait… and wait.

Inevitably a player will join, realize we’re a team, get scared (or bored of waiting also) and leave.

But Ajay… why not use the “Play Scavenge as a team” option in the game? Where you can create a team of four and look for another team of 4.

We’ve tried, and waited for twenty minutes.

Nobody else uses that system it seems.

So we’re back to playing against teams comprised of random people looking to play scavenge.

Occasionally, after waiting long periods of time we’ll get four players to play against and a game will start.

It’s a surprise if one of them doesn’t leave at the immediate start of the game, and an even bigger surprise if they all work together and offer an actual challenge.

Most often, the other team crumbles, people get angry and quit and my friends and I end up wasting a lot of time on an unsatisfying gaming experience.

Sometimes all four will stay, and we’ll kick the crap out of them, scoring 3 rounds of 16 points in a row, which is about as fun as winning a boxing match against a baby.

Rarely do we encounter a team worthy of competition, but when we do, its great fun.

My solution?

Since I didn’t create the game, and I don’t have a connection to Valve’s marketing department, all I can do is advocate that more gamers play Left 4 Dead 2: Scavenge, in hopes that I’ll find more worthy & fun competition out there. If you’re reading this you could become part of the solution.

Get yourself a copy of Left 4 Dead 2, add me to steam & challenge me to a game of Scavenge.

I promise if at least 4 other people out there reading do as well then we’ll have a great game going.

Thank you for listening.

Love Ajay

A friend on facebook posted this video on their profile.

With the added comment “Whatever your beliefs and feelings about Christmas, this makes you think.”

It did get me thinking.

Perhaps I’m going to sound like a Grinch for thinking this way but maybe this year we shouldn’t all give to charity.
 
While it is an excellent message of caring for our fellow man there are some immediate repercussions the video doesn’t point out.
 
If we all don’t buy the usual amount of junk from the stores that sell junk, the junk selling stores won’t make back the money they spent on stocking their shelves with junk in the first place. Demand for new junk will go down, so the people who make the junk will lose their jobs, and the junk stores will have loads of useless junk sitting on their shelves that nobody can afford to buy because everyone lost their junk making jobs.  It is a downside of this capitalist system, but freedom does come with costs.
 
If you’re like me and living with debt the solution to the problem of consumerism isn’t to give your money away to charity, instead it’s to pay off your own debt first. Only when you get out from debt will you’ll really be able to help in a significant way by investing in new business.
 
When it’s time to make that investment don’t invest in junk! There’s too much useless junk out there in our society slowing down real human progress.  It is capitalisms fault because the draw to invest in some new useless junk that will give you huge monetary gains is so strong.  We all want to be rich and Capitalism affords us the freedom to be greedy.
 
What people often forget is that it doesn’t force us to be.
 
Investing in sustainable technology, with low gains over a longer period of time isn’t a get rich quick fix, but it’s that kind of charitable sacrifice that will truly make the world a richer place for everyone, and we still need a free market capitalist society to do it. Capitalism and freedom go hand in hand, inspiring people to dream big and strive for greatness.
 
Sadly our society’s obsession with greatness, luxury and this silly notion of ‘the best’ has put us all into debt. Massive debt. When we finally get out of debt (which is a very lofty dream I know) we can be charitable to those in need.
 
Sadly the people most affected by water shortages, the people in need, are for the most part (so far as I know) ruled by non-democratically elected regimes. Regimes that don’t share what little wealth they have. They don’t stimulate economies for their citizens and don’t ‘give charitably to their people. They don’t do any of this because money is power, and when your business is ruling the people, giving power to the people is bad for business.
 
So while giving some of your power to charity is a tempting idea that makes us all feel warm and fuzzy during this Christmas season. It’s just a temporary solution.
 
Don’t get me wrong, it is a great thing to do if you’ve got the ‘power’ to do it, but for those of us in debt it is not practical.
 
Instead we should support the free market economy that we’re a part of by buying some junk for the people we love, just so long as we’re not buying that junk on credit.
 
Love and Merry Christmas,
Ajay